MCA roof, Xander's workshop: Thursday night

[needsaparrot]

If Xander had a hammer - oh wait, he did.

There was some small irony in the fact that what he was hammering away at was a bookshelf, but really it was just something to pound small, sharp pieces of metal into at very high velocity and even higher volume. While wearing proper eye-protection.

*BANG*

It was helping. Really.
__
[OOC: For a specific visitor.]

Comments

[bridge-carson.livejournal.com]

"He's this close to being obsolete and he can't speak Dog." Bridge says solemnly.

[needsaparrot]

"I stand corrected. That must keep him up late at nights."

[bridge-carson.livejournal.com]

"No, that would be the fact that he runs on a near-inexhaustible power source."

[needsaparrot]

"You have an answer for everything, don't you." That comes out sounding less sarcastic and more strangely hopeful than Xander intended.

[bridge-carson.livejournal.com]

"I try to," Bridge says. "It's worked well for me so far."

[needsaparrot]

"You have an answer for this?" Xander does that airsketchy thing that's somehow supposed to convey Us without actually saying Us because the concept of an Us is... the whole point.

[bridge-carson.livejournal.com]

"Yeah," Bridge says. "And it's not the one that involves ignoring what we *both* want."

[needsaparrot]

"In spite of how really really good at ignoring stuff growing up in Sunnydale makes people, not really seeing that as much of an option anymore." Xander crosses his arms as he adds, "But wanting something doesn't necessarily make it the right thing to do."

[bridge-carson.livejournal.com]

"I've never felt more right than when I'm with you," Bridge says simply.

[needsaparrot]

"I've never felt more afraid of doing something wrong than when I'm with you."

It's raw, but true. That the other thing is true too... Xander is, in fact, trying to ignore.

[bridge-carson.livejournal.com]

"I trust you. With all my heart."

[needsaparrot]

"I want you to be right about that." And maybe this is as close as Xander can get to making Bridge understand.

"Before I left..." Xander taps his hand on his knee. "You always thought I could do stuff I didn't think I could. Go to college, get a job that didn't involve fries..."

[bridge-carson.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, and you did that." Bridge says.

[needsaparrot]

"I know. I'm on that page now. Most of the time I'm actually pretty okay with me." Xander spreads his hands out, flat on his kneecaps. "I'm human, I fuck up, sometimes I'm a jerk, but I try to be a good man."

[bridge-carson.livejournal.com]

"And you *are*," Bridge says stubbornly. "One of the best I know." At the top of the list, actually, if there were an actual list.

[needsaparrot]

"I want to stay a good man."

[bridge-carson.livejournal.com]

"And *how* would being with me make that impossible?" Bridge demands.

[needsaparrot]

"I don't know if it's impossible." That's more than Xander's been able to say before now, but it's also all he's got. "I just... don't know. And I can't risk it until I do."

He meant to say unless, yes.

[bridge-carson.livejournal.com]

"*I* do," Bridge says. "And I'm going to do everything I can to prove to you that it *is* possible," he adds as he turns to leave.

[needsaparrot]

Xander doesn't say anything, just watches Bridge until he's out of sight.

He picks up the hammer again, starts to put the goggles back on, but shakes his head and puts both down on the workbench. He doesn't feel like hitting something anymore.